Return to HomepageA statement by Sir Joe Bloggs, Dip.Ed., B.A., O.B.E., the world's most obscure prominent figure:
I really don't know where I'd be today if it weren't for "Doc" Michael Angelico. (I might even be on holiday in Hawaii. His fees really are quite an eye-opener.) But one thing I do know: he had a wonderful effect on my hearing ability. He shouted at me so much that now I can't even hear a jet engine at two feet, unless it's running.
John Smith, the world famous professional village idiot, told the press:
The works of "Doc" Michael were the reason I achieved my position as the world's stupidest idiot. He told me so many jokes that I started telling them everywhere, and nobody could tell whether I knew anything else. So they gradually promoted me up the ranks until I could qualify for world position. I am still sure that without the help of "Doc" I would never have even got close to the top, but as I'm such an idiot you can't believe a word I say.
An anonymous patient of mine, who liked to be called "Kind Sir", told an unemployed news reporter:
"Doc" became a sort of boss to me: he was always telling me what to do. I always did what he said, even when it was to pay up. That's why he kept telling me what to do. And since he kept telling me, I now know what to tell other people to do. And that will be $250 for the interview and a lifetime guarantee that at least some of what I said was true.
Another patient, whose name I never found out, but was called "Captin" says constantly:
That "Doc" was talking through his hat! He was trying to prove that sound can travel around corners, and he put his hat in front of his face. So he talked through it. And the rest of his practice was in keeping with that silly physics lesson. He even tried to stop me from eating rat poison, on some trumped-up excuse. And he couldn't fix my problems, even easy things. When I shut my eyes I couldn't see, and I couldn't see the back of my head however hard I tried. So I just had to adjust to being badly disabled.
I never found out this one's name either - he only lasted long enough to say:
AAAAAARRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!
Even my newest patient, whose name hasn't been entered on the register, has a lot to say about me:
Boo hoo hoo. Don't pay any attention to "Doc". Nor money either. Whatever he says, telling jokes can't cure my problem. Nor reading them. Nor even listening to them. I'm blind, deaf and computer illiterate. So "Doc" is utterly useless to me.
Most of my other patients would probably have plenty to tell you about me as well, but their next of kin just say, "I refuse to comment on the methods that dumb doctor uses!"